Subject: Visiting My Brother at College part 7 When I walk into Reed’s room, the first thing I notice is Reed sitting on the couch, which has been turned around to face the pair of desks. On top of the desks is the TV which had been perched on top of the wardrobes, and a takeout bag of food. “Hey,” Reed says, hopping up and gesturing to the desk. “I got Thai food and we’re all set up to watch movies or whatever.” He looks so cute standing there in his shorts and t-shirt, smiling hesitantly and waiting for my approval. I can’t believe he actually put in an effort to set up a bro night. I mean, it’s just food and some rearranged furniture, but still, he cared. I feel all warm and fuzzy, and I walk over and wrap my arms around him, burying my face in his chest. “Sounds great,” I say, muffled a bit by his t-shirt. “What kind of Thai food?” “Beef green curry, chicken pad thai, and a side of peanut sauce for you,” he responds, cupping the back of my head and running his fingers through my hair. “Perfect,” I say, looking up and kissing him on the jaw. I let him go so he can get us plates and serve up the food, and then sit next to him while we eat. “What did you do this afternoon?” I ask between bites. God, I love pad thai with peanut sauce. Reed thinks it’s weird, says pad thai already has peanuts, but he indulges me anyway. He shrugs. “Hung out with John and Brandon for a bit, went for a run. Not much.” There’s a bit of silence while we both eat. “You? How was your… date? With Toby.” “Good,” I say, shifting to sit a little closer to him. “Really good, I think. I dunno, kinda weird too maybe. But… I think I can make this work.” “This?” He mumbles around a mouthful of food. “Gross, finish chewing,” I tell him, which prompts him to open his mouth wide and show me the foul mush of unidentifiable Thai food inside. “Ugh, nevermind, not gonna work after all, since you’re no longer hot.” He swallows and laughs, then leans over and nips at my ear, licking the rim and whispering, “I don’t believe you.” I shiver and lean toward him and he chuckles softly. “Now answer the question.” “Okay,” I say, and pause. “‘This’ meaning us, but also other people. I think I can do it. I had a lot of fun with Toby and I didn’t feel guilty about it.” Reed nods a bit. “Okay. But… and it’s my fault for asking… tonight’s bro night. So no more ‘other people,’ okay?” I tilt my head at him. “Yeah, okay. Just us tonight.” I set my nearly empty plate aside and scoot closer to him, leaning my head on his shoulder. “Uh, still eating here,” he says, jostling his head with my shoulder. “I don’t care,” I say, pushing in even more. “Eh, fine.” So it’s not super comfortable, he just goes on eating, moving his arm, while I lay there, but he seemed like he needed it. He’s always needed physical contact more than me. And it’s sort of interesting, in a totally gross way, that with my ear pressed against him, I can hear his jaw working, his teeth chewing, his throat swallowing. It’s a level of intimacy I haven’t really had with anyone before, and I guess I’ve been learning the last couple of days that there aren’t many levels of intimacy I don’t want to reach with Reed. Maybe that should be scary, since you can’t really be intimate with someone without exposing yourself too, and I’ve never really been comfortable letting people in that much, but I guess it’s different with Reed. Even if he didn’t already know me so well, if he can suck my dick, I can’t imagine anything else is going to turn him off from me. I’ve been relaxing against his shoulder, my hands wrapped around his upper arm, for I don’t know how long, and I’m starting to doze off, feeling very peaceful, when he sits forward to put his plate down and jostles me. I let him go and start to sit up, but he just lifts his arm and wraps it around my back, pulling me back down so that my head is tucked against his chest. “So,” he says quietly, stroking my ribs with his thumb, “what should we watch?” He smells good, no cologne, just clean sweat and a bit of lingering soap smell, and he’s warm and solid under my cheek, his heartbeat steady in my ear, and I’m comfortable enough that I don’t really care about much else. “Dunno,” I mumble. “You pick.” “Nope,” he says, and tugs at me so I’m sitting more upright. “No falling asleep yet. Movie first, then sex, then maybe more sex, then sleep.” I turn my head and kiss his collarbone, lowering my hand to his thigh and stroking inward toward his crotch. “Mm, sex first?” I ask him, tilting to lick his jaw. “No,” he says, gasping and squirming a little. “Sex later. Bro time.” He takes my hand from his leg and brings it back up to his chest, and leans down to peck me on the lips. “We’ve gotta still be able to be brothers.” He’s tenting his shorts a little and I know I could change his mind. I rub his nipple idly through his short and he closes his eyes for a second. I could definitely convince him. But he’s probably right. If I can’t keep my hands off of him for a couple of hours, this isn’t going to work. We need to be able to compartmentalize. Ugh, that sounds miserable, but I can try. I sigh and sit up, adjusting myself so my erection is a bit less painful in my jeans, but I don’t move too far from him, keeping our legs pressed together, our shoulders bumping. We’ve always been close, so bro time doesn’t mean not touching him. Fuck, maybe I need physical contact as much as he does now. “Okay,” I say. “Movies. Brokeback Mountain? Beautiful Thing? Oh, Billy Elliot!” “Umm,” he says. “I don’t think I have any of those. And… does it have to be something… gay?” “What?” I laugh. “You can suck a dick but not watch a ‘gay’ movie? Anyway, Billy Elliot’s şişli travesti not gay, it’s just sweet.” “Whatever, I just… I’m not gay.” He blushes and rubs the back of his neck. “I’m not straight, and I watch movies with straight couples all the fucking time.” “Fine, fine, but I don’t know anything about this shit, so just… pick something.” I was kind of joking with him, I don’t really care if we watch a “gay movie,” but if he’s willing to watch one, suddenly I really want to. I grab his laptop and look around his folders, pointedly ignoring the folder actually labeled “Porn” until he tells me that’s where he keeps his movies. I snicker and browse his selection, but it’s pretty limited, so I check out some streaming sites. Eventually I find Giant Little Ones and put it on, plugging the TV into his laptop, before settling back on the couch next to him. We watch the movie in silence, but after about twenty minutes I pull my feet up and lay my head on his shoulder again. Brothers can cuddle, he can’t complain about it. I’ve seen the movie before, but it’s been a little while, so I mainly just remember thinking it was good. I didn’t remember how… hard it is, at times, to watch. Maybe I should have chosen something lighter. Reed seems to get a little more tense next to me as the movie goes on, and when the credits roll he stays silent. “So…” I say, rubbing his arm and drifting down to play with his fingers. “What did you think?” “I dunno,” he says, and pauses. “I guess I never really thought about how hard it could be.” He’s quiet, but with my ear pressed to him I hear his voice rumble through his chest. I sit up so I can look at him, and weave my fingers with his to hold his hand. “What do you mean?” “I mean, it’s not like that, being straight. And I guess I should have, but I never thought about how it might be for you…” He shrugs. “I just mean, like… you haven’t had to deal with that shit, have you?” “I haven’t been beaten up or anything,” I say. “But, people say shit, and sometimes, you know, guys aren’t always super cool about things after I sleep with them.” “Shit,” he sighs, blushing, and looks me in the eyes. He’s frowning slightly and I want to kiss that away. “I was a dick. I’m not gonna treat you like that again, I promise.” “Yeah,” I murmur, looking away. “I mean, I didn’t mean you, and, it’s kinda my fault. I always go for straight guys or closeted guys, I’ve never had, like, a boyfriend. And when you hook up with a guy who doesn’t want anyone to know, sometimes he freaks out. It’s just… a thing you deal with.” “That’s what I meant,” he says, putting a finger on my chin and turning my face back to him. “I never thought about how that must be, and I feel bad about it. You shouldn’t have to deal with that, you should have someone who loves you and doesn’t care what anyone thinks.” “Sure,” I snort. “Says the fucking straight guy who, oh yeah, is also my brother, and can’t ever tell anyone about us.” Reed huffs and drops my chin, throwing his head back on the couch. Fuck, I didn’t mean to snap at him. He sits there with his eyes closed for a long time and I awkwardly sit next to him. I take his hand back and he sighs. “I don’t know what you want, Devin. I’m fucking trying.” I curl back into him, pressing my lips to his shoulder. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what I want either. I don’t know why I keep pushing him. I guess… I know the reality of the situation, and I think I can make it work. I think I can have him and someone else, maybe Toby, maybe whoever. But… But that’s just “making it work,” it’s not the ideal. It feels so good with him, not even just the sex, even just cuddling with him, hell, even just eating next to him. If it were possible, there wouldn’t be anyone else, just us. “I love you, Dev,” he whispers, and I look up to see a tear rolling down his cheek. “So much. But if this is just going to make you feel bad, if I’m just going to be some asshole stringing you along, treating you like you’re not worth… everything… then maybe this is a bad idea. Maybe we need to stop.” Fuck no. I know I can’t have everything, but I can’t have nothing. In an instant I’m straddling his lap and cupping his head with both hands, forcing him to look at me. “No, fuck no, Reed,” I say, staring into his sky blue eyes. They’re red-rimmed and that just makes the color look brighter. I feel a tear at the corner of my nose and I’m sure my eyes look just as destroyed to him. They’re the same eyes after all. “I’m sorry,” I say, pecking his lips. “I’m really sorry. You don’t make me feel bad. You make me feel incredible.” I kiss him again. “Please don’t stop.” At this point tears are streaming down my face, and I’m pressing kisses to his face all over. I kiss his neck and then just rest my face there, sniffling. His hand raises up to pat me on the back, and then stays there, rubbing gently. I feel like such a fucking idiot. “Shh,” he says, one hand on my back, the other on the back of my head. I feel him kiss my hair. “I do make you feel bad. This is proof.” “No,” I say, raising my head, but he puts a finger to my lips and stops me. “Yes, I do,” he says, and winces. “But I can’t stop.” “No?” I ask. “No.” “Good,” I say, nuzzling back into his neck and kissing it. “Because yeah,” I sigh, puffing warm air over his neck. “Maybe I’ll feel bad sometimes because of… this. But I’ve also never felt so good.” He doesn’t say anything, but he also relaxes under me, his shoulders getting looser, his hand coming back to my head and playing with the hair at the top of my neck. He still doesn’t say anything as I start to suck on his neck, or as I kiss my way up to that spot I love at beylikdüzü travesti the corner of his jaw. He doesn’t say anything or open his eyes when I wipe the tears from his face with my thumbs, but he does smile a little. And he doesn’t stop me when I kiss the corner of that smile, and when I kiss him properly he kisses me back. They’re just soft kisses, shallow little brushes of lips and flickers of tongues, and his hands stay on my back, not moving, but it’s enough. I know he wants this too, and when I pull back to look at him, he’s still smiling and looking back at me. “Maybe,” he murmurs, “Another movie? Something less serious.” “Okay,” I say. “Starship Troopers?” He grins and nods. I know it’s one of his favorites. One of our favorites, really. Just endlessly rewatchable, mindless entertainment. Which sounds perfect right now. I turn around in his lap to pull it up on the computer, but I don’t stand up, and once it’s playing, I just lean back against him, and he wraps his arms around me and rests his chin on top of my head. We’re quiet for a while, but before long we’re both making little jokes about the movie, laughing at the over-the-top bits, mocking the dialogue. When the shower scene comes up I tease him a little talking about Casper Van Dien’s butt, before telling him, “Yours is better.” He snickers but doesn’t reply. About halfway into the movie things feel much more comfortable, and I twist so that I’m laying across Reed’s body, my cheek resting on his left shoulder. “Can you even see the movie like that?” Reed chuckles. “Don’t care.” I close my eyes and just breathe him in. The next thing I know, Reed is nudging me awake. “Movie over? Sex time?” I ask, groggily, licking his neck. “I think maybe sleep time for you,” he laughs. “I turned the movie off early.” “Sex time,” I say. I sit up and turn to straddle his lap again, putting my hands on his shoulders and leaning into kiss him. “You’ve put me off long enough.” I pull off my shirt and grind into his lap before diving in to kiss him more. He laughs a little before joining in, opening his mouth to accept my tongue. He may have acted reluctant, but he’s definitely getting into it now. He pushes me back and starts attacking my neck with his lips and teeth. I gasp and grasp the back of his head, holding him against me and tangling my fingers in his hair as he moves lower, alternately kissing, licking, and biting my chest. He takes my left nipple in his mouth at the same time his hands grab my ass, and the feeling of him sucking and chewing on it while pressing our straining groins together has me whimpering already. “God, yes,” I moan, pulling his face tighter against me. He responds by opening his jaw wide, biting practically my whole pec, and swirling his tongue around my nipple. I rut against him, feeling precum working its way into my boxers. He bites down harder, and it hurts, but it’s so fucking good. I pull him off my chest and he looks at me for a moment, pupils blown out, his lips and chin red and wet, before I lean in and take his mouth again, biting his lip and trying to practically devour him. I can’t stop at this, though, I’m so fucking horny. I tear myself away and grab his shirt, which he helps me pull off in what must be record speed. As soon as it’s off, I’m back on him, kissing his jaw, and his neck, and pausing to bite his collarbone, leaving a mark. I lick my way down his chest and slide off his lap, pressing my face to his belly. I kiss his little scar and tongue his navel, before reaching my goal. I grab his hard cock through his nylon shorts, and run my tongue along it. God, I love that he goes commando. I jack him off and mouth him through the shorts for maybe a minute before he groans and forces me away long enough to push his shorts down. As soon as his cock pops free I’m back on it, licking and gently nibbling at the sides while I pull his shorts the rest of the way down and off. When my hands are free I grab him by the base and look him in the eyes as I lick from his balls right to the tip of his head, and pull back his skin to take the head in my mouth. He’s leaking so much precum, and I slurp it up, pulling my lips up and off, and then licking all over like he’s the best ice cream cone I’ve ever had. He groans and mutters something about how good it is, and I grin. Damn fucking right. I’m not going to let him give this up. I’m going to make it too good for him to even fucking suggest it again. I take him into my mouth, and immediately plunge my head down on him, taking a big breath through my nose as he enters my throat. Fuck, he’s thicker than Toby, but I don’t care. The way his knees pull up and his hand grips my hair as I bob up and down, taking him to the root, and the way he’s swearing and panting, is totally worth it. Still it’s a bit of a relief when he pulls my head off, and breathing deep tells me, “Pants. Off.” My jeans have barely hit the floor when he’s grabbing my boxers and pulling them down too. He actually scratches my leg in his hurry, and I hear the fabric tearing as he maneuvers us so that I’m laying on my back on the couch and he’s above me, lifting my legs to pull my boxers off the rest of the way. When we’re both fully naked he gets on top of me and starts making out with me again, grinding our dicks together. The couch isn’t really long enough to lie down on, and he groans from frustration into my mouth as he tries to position us better, before he grunts and wraps his arms around my back, standing up and carrying me with him a few feet to the bed. He collapses, dropping both of us to the mattress, and I huff as he knocks the wind out of me landing on top of me. I don’t have time istanbul travesti to complain though before he’s got his tongue in my mouth again. He seems content to just kiss me for several minutes, even as I’m straining for more, wrapping my legs around his back and raising my hips to slide our cocks together. He takes one hand and grips my dick in it, jacking me off slowly as he breathes into my mouth, occasionally kissing me or pulling at one of my lips with his teeth. I try to grab him too, but he brushes my hand away. “Don’t wanna cum yet. Wanna cum inside you,” he says. “You’re gonna make me though,” I say, thrusting into his hand. He trails his tongue across my face and sticks it in my ear, licking before whispering, “Cum, then.” I groan and shoot off into his hand, painting my chest, as he continues to lick at my ear and jaw. “Good,” he whispers. He doesn’t give me a moment to come down before he takes the cum on his hand and brings it between my legs, pressing two fingers to my hole. I squirm and I swear my cock shoots another rope as he penetrates me, twisting his fingers. He’s leaning back on his knees now, looking down at me with my legs wrapped around his back, his cock standing up between us. He has a wicked little grin on his face, which is shining with sweat, as he looks me in the eyes. He pulls his fingers out and scoops more cum from my chest, bringing it back to my hole, then hitches his hips back, grabs his cock, slides it down my taint, and pushes it slowly inside me. My eyes squeeze shut as he enters me, even after taking him last night he feels so fucking big, and between the feelings in my ass and the feelings in my chest, I can hardly take it. I’m whimpering and moaning as he sinks into me, and then I feel his lips at the corner of my mouth. “Shh,” he murmurs, thrusting slowly in and out, kissing me softly. “I love you, Dev. Gotta show you I love you.” “Fuck, Reed,” I moan, grasping at his mouth with my own. “Show me harder.” He chuckles and keeps kissing me softly, but he does what I asked, and starts thrusting faster, deeper. He’s not pulling out much at all, not like our first fuck where he jackhammered me, he’s staying in deep, rapidly thrusting in and out just a couple of inches. After a few minutes of that he’s no longer kissing me, just panting against my lips, our identical noses resting side by side, the sweat on our foreheads mingling. He cries out and thrusts all the way in, digging his fingernails into my hips as he cums inside me, and I run my hands up and down his back, pressing kisses to his open lips. He pulls back for just a second to look into my eyes, still buried to the hilt inside me, before collapsing to meet my lips again. It feels like less than a minute before he’s lazily grinding into me again, his hips circling and thrusting gently. “Never gonna be done with you,” he whispers and I surprise myself by laughing, even as a tear runs down my cheek, because I don’t know if it’s ever gonna be enough. He pulls back and his brow wrinkles as he frowns at me, brushing the tear away with his thumb. I shake my head and whimper, but take his hand and bring it to my mouth, kissing his palm and sucking his thumb. “Just keep fucking me, Reed.” He nods and lifts me up a little to wrap his hands around my back, then squeezes me so that our chests are pressed together and our heads are side by side, his mouth by my ear. He keeps thrusting lazily, I don’t think he ever went soft, but then, neither did I, pressed between our bellies. I don’t know how long he fucks me this second time. Time doesn’t seem to mean anything as we’re wrapped completely around each other, moaning and whispering in each other’s ears, rubbing our cheeks together as we slowly work our hips together. I don’t know how it feels to Reed, but it’s hardly even like sex to me. Oh it feels incredible, but cumming isn’t the goal. This is just… I don’t know, trying to hold onto him. Trying to merge with him. Cumming may not be the goal, but eventually we do. Me spilling out between us, and him shuddering a few seconds later. Shortly after he rolls off me and lies on his side, facing me. I turn onto my side to face him. I brush his cheek with my hand and he turns his head to kiss my palm before looking back at me. “Reed, what you said…” I start, staring into his eyes, and trying to hold myself together. “You don’t have to show me you love me. I… I would know you love me without sex. I don’t want to make you do this.” He takes my hand and holds it against his chest. “When have you ever been able to make me do anything, little bro?” I roll my eyes. “You know what I mean.” “I do,” he says, kissing my knuckles. “But… I want to do everything I can, and this is all I can do. So please just let me.” “Okay,” I snort out a laugh suddenly. “God, can we make a new rule? No more trying to talk each other out of this. Maybe this whole thing is a bad idea, but it’s our bad idea together, deal?” He grins and kisses my hand again. “Deal.” —– Ok, this one’s a bit shorter, but I hope you like it. The next couple of chapters will be a lot less full of angsty feelings. Then again, I expected this one to be mostly hot sex, and it went down the feelings route anyway, so who knows. (I also realize Reed and Devin keep having these talks, but I promise they’re making progress with them. Eventually their feelings will all be out there and they can just fuck.) Again, as always, please let me know your thoughts, it’s great to hear from readers. P.S. It was really hard for me to decide what movie Devin and Reed should watch, I went through the hundred or so movies in my gay movies folder to find something perfect. In the end, Giant Little Ones seemed thematically appropriate. That choice definitely shifted the tone and direction of the whole chapter, though. If you haven’t seen the movie, I recommend it, though some homophobic violence and bullying may be triggering to some.