Chapter 2: Dealing with the Aftermath
After John and I had our little talk I felt relieved but I still had a lot of questions I would like to have answered. This is when I decided to try and talk with Sue. After all she has been dealing with this subject matter for a long time.
I called Sue on the phone too asked, “If I could come over and talk with her, so I could get a female point of view on something.” She, ‘sure come right over.”
When I arrived at Jim and Sue’s house, Sue met me at the door and we went into the kitchen to talk over a cup of coffee. I looked across the table and just asked. Can I ask, “How you discovered Jim likes to play with guys? How has it affected your relationship with him?”
She looked a little puzzled and then she thought for a minute and said, “Jim and I started off as just friends seeing each other socially at a breakfast club group in L.A. From there we started to have lunch together once or twice a week and then we started to go out for dinner and a movie on the weekends. It was just a matter of two friends being with each other. As time progressed I began to have more of an attachment for him and he began to have the same for me. It was when he realized how he felt about me we had this talk. It was over dinner one weekend. When we met at the restaurant I could tell there was something really serious on his mind and I just thought oh no here it comes, the l like you a lot but lets just be friends speech. I was bracing myself for the worst when he said, ‘there is something you need to know before we go any further.” Then I thought, oh god you’re married. He continued and said, “I would understand if you don’t see me after tonight. You should know I like to play with guys from time to time.” Silently in my head I said to myself, “Oh shit it’s worse he’s gay and I’m in love with him.”
I looked at Sue and said, “You must have been really devastated when he told you that. What did you do? Didn’t you feel like getting up and leaving right then and there?”
Sue replied. “I did I felt totally humiliated I wanted to get up and run out of the restaurant. Instead I started to ask him questions about his interest in men. The conversation continued after we left the restaurant and after we went to the movie. It was at that time that we both came to realize the extent of the feelings we had for each other. It was during this conversation that I brought up my best friend and to my surprise he had an easier time understanding my feelings toward her than I did his feelings toward men.”
I could see it was difficult for Sue to talk about their relationship in such an intimate detail. So I reached across the table and touched her hand in a reassuring manner as if to say you have a friend who understands.
Then I asked, “How has it affected your relationship with him?”
Sue looked down at her coffee cup and wrinkled her forehead then looked back up and said, “I really don’t know how this has affected our relationship because to me it has always been apart of it. There have been other issues with me that took quite a bit of work to get used to. Do you know how hard it is to get used to living with a guy who doesn’t hit you, when he gets mad? I was always walking on egg shells around him or any other man for a long time. Money was another issue that we both had to work on. It seemed neither one of us trusted the other and that caused a lot of arguments in the beginning. Besides after the relationship got serious he never met up with anyone while we were in L.A.”
‘didn’t that seem strange to you,” I asked?
Sue replied, “It did at first and I asked him about that. He just said that he didn’t find anyone interesting in L.A. It was then he told me about his friend back home and the kind of relationship they had. He had been very lonely since moving to L.A. and he missed his friend a lot. That statement really answered a lot of questions for me in that he was always a little bit of a downer person never looking at the bright side when he was in L.A. I thought of my friend and how she made me feel. It was then I understood how he feels about men.”
“What kind of relationship did he have with his friend?” I asked. Sue looked at me as if to say where are you going with this and then she replied, “Jim told me they had known each other for a long time before they both got married it was during that time they discovered they liked to enjoy each others bodies. The physical activity between them stopped after they both got married. They continued their friendship. It was a very deep and close personal type. One was always there for the other without question. The way he talked you would think one would walk through fire for the other if you could believe that.”
‘that would explain what happened at the fire,” I said.
“What fire,” Sue asked.
“Jim never told you about the fire?” I asked.
“NO,” she said, ‘tell me about it.”
“Oh God,” I replied, “If John found out izmir escort I told you this he would kill me, but here it goes. Jim’s first wife developed some problems with drugs and drinking while they were married and one day Jim had to work late. John and I were home in the kitchen and our kids were the living room watching television before dinner. Jim came running through the door frantically screaming, I need to call the fire department my house is on fire. John grabbed Jim and asked, Where are the kids? Jim was stunned for a second but didn’t answer and John shook him shouting, Where are your kids, Jim looked up in shock and said, “Oh my god I don’t know. Then he took off running out the door toward his house. John took off after Jim and I started chasing both of them yelling, “Where are you going? When I got outside, I screamed in shock as I watched my husband run into a burning house after his best friend. It seemed like I waited outside watching the flames and smoke for eternity. I was looking for any sign of my husband and Jim to come out. When the fire department arrived, I saw my husband carrying Jim’s two kids on his shoulders while he was dragging Jim out by his shirt collar. A reporter for the local paper was there and took a picture of John as he was coming through the doorway. When the picture of John carrying Jim and his two kids out of the burning house was printed the next day in the local paper, John was really embarrassed. Shortly after that Jim and his ex divorced and Jim moved out to California.”
“Oh my god that would explain the scars on Jim’s back,” Sue gasped. Sue then said, “I asked him how he got them and he just evaded the question. I just thought whatever it was, it was too traumatic to talk about.”
Sue then asked me, “What is this all about? Is there something I should know?”
I asked Sue, “If she knew who Jim was seeing now?”
She said, “yes.”
I then asked her point blank, “Is it my husband?”
She then turned white and hesitated not really knowing what to say, then she asked, “Why would you ask such a question?”
“Because I caught them day before yesterday,” I replied.
Sue sat there in silence not moving, she looked like she didn’t know what to do or say at this moment. She picked up her coffee cup slowly and took a drink out of it and looking down she placed it back on the table without looking up she said, “What are you going to do?”
I looked down at the table stirring my coffee with a spoon and said, “I don’t know, I know I love John with all my heart and I don’t want to leave him. I don’t know how this is going to affect our relationship. He says he’s not gay but I don’t even know what that means any more. I just don’t want to do anything right now.”
Sue had a look of sympathy when she said, “I know this has been going on for quite awhile between the two of them. I can really tell you it surprised me when I first found out. After I talked with Jim and John, I realized I didn’t have anything to worry about. I know that John loves you, and practically worships the ground you walk on. I also know how Jim feels about me. I also like the idea that Jim has someone in his life that can full fill the needs of a man that a woman can’t, not just sexual needs but the need for male companionship and male activities. As I see it, your place in John’s life has not changed.”
“You mean he doesn’t love me any less?” I asked
Sue reached across the table and took hold of my hand gently squeezing it in a reassuring way saying, “I know it sounds strange and almost impossible. Once he realizes, you accept him for what he is. He will come to love and appreciate you more than ever.”
Sue then stood up and walked around the table and hugged me and said, ‘don’t worry about this Jill everything will work out, your husband does love you. In the end you will find out nothing has changed in your relationship with him.”
Then she sat down in the chair next to me and put her hand on my arm looked at me strait in the eye and asked, “Can you tell me what they were doing when you caught them?”
‘do you really want to know?” I asked her.
She looked at me and gave me one of those devilish grins, and then she squeezed my arm and said, “Of course.”
“You won’t be mad at Jim if I tell you?” I asked
Sue said, “No, like I said before I know about his activities and it is ok with me. I would just like to know.”
“OK,” I said, ‘that day I came back from the store and did some stuff in the kitchen when I was through there I went to the bedroom to take some clothes down to the washer. So I could get a start on the laundry. As I walked past the living room I looked in on Jim and John to see if they wanted anything from the kitchen. As soon as I looked through the doorway, I saw your husband, Jim on his knees sucking my husband off. I just could not believe the enthusiasm. It was almost like it was some kind of an alsancak escort athletic event. He kept going at it until my husband had one of the most powerful orgasms I have ever seen. Your husband stayed down on him though and swallowed everything my husband gave him without gagging. Then what happened next really surprised me. I saw my husband willingly get on his knees and pull Jim’s shorts down and start licking and fondling your husband’s cock till it was fully erect. Then he started sucking Jim off with the same enthusiasm that your Jim had given him. Then I saw your husband start to orgasm and shoot his come in my husband’s mouth and he swallowed every last drop.”
After I told Sue this I felt relieved at least now it was all in the open and I no longer felt alone and ashamed.
Sue looked at me and smiled. Then she put both hands on my arm and asked, “What did you think of it?”
Embarrassed I looked down at the table and said, “At first I was in shock I really didn’t know what to think but at the same time it really stirred something deep inside of me. Something that I thought was long gone.”
“What was that?” she said.
“A really hot and horny feeling, god I was so wet I could not believe it. I even had to go and change my panties. I have not felt that way in a very long time,” I replied.
“How did that make you feel?” she said.
I started to feel warm, and I could tell my face was turning red from embarrassment. Sue then gently squeezed my hand in a reassuring way. Then I replied, “Relieved this is all in the open. I feel like a great weight has been lifted off of me. What really surprised me the most? I had no idea how something like this would make me feel. I mean the idea of my husband being with another man, I found so erotic. I have even begun to wonder what it would be like to have a special friend like John has in Jim.
I then smiled and looked at Sue and asked, “Can you tell me about your friend in California?”
She looked at me then she blushed and looked down at the table and said, “I don’t know how I could have gotten along without her. We had known each other for a long time. It seemed we had the same bad taste in men. We were always there for each other when our relationships turned bad and it always seemed like they did. After a short while, our physical attraction for each other just seemed to slowly grow until one day it seemed like the natural thing to do. She is one of the few women I know that is smart, funny and she seems to ooze a sexual sensuality about her. It seems no matter what she wears she looks sexy.”
I looked at Sue for a second then I said, “Well I guess you wouldn’t be interested in a fat old broad who is turning gray like me then.”
Sue looked at me and smiled then she said, “You remind me a lot of her at times. You even look a lot like her, so much so, at times you could have been sisters. I owe her a lot. She is the one who really encouraged me to see Jim. He was not the kind of guy I normally went out with. After I met him, I just kept thinking nobody is this good, it all has to be an act. It was not until later that I found out otherwise about him.”
“How did that happen?” I asked.
‘that’s along story,” she said.
“I have the time,” I said smiling at her.
“You really want to know?” she asked.
“Yes.” I replied.
Sue looked directly at me and said, “Ok.” Then she said, “After I started seeing Jim she had met one guy who was a really terrible asshole. Seemed like everyone knew it from the beginning except her. After a short while she and her kids ended up moving in with him and from the start he started to drink, do drugs and beat on her. One day his anger and frustration turned toward her oldest son who was 11 at the time. He started to beat on him and Joan tried to intervene but he started to wail on her. After he passed out from the drugs she and her two kids snuck out to my apartment. Jim was in shock when he saw what he did to her and her oldest son. A couple of days later he showed up on my door step all sorry and apologetic begging her to come back. She was still in a lot of pain from the beating from a couple of days before, and told him they were through. He then got really angry and started to hit her in front of Jim, our kids, and myself. I tried to intervene but then his anger turned toward me and he started to hit me as well. Jim stepped forward and moved me out of the way and drew his right fist back and hit him square in the face breaking his jaw and knocking him out. Jim called the police and had him arrested and charged with assault and battery against me and Joan. The next day Jim had us both file restraining orders against him. Jim told him if he ever broke those restraining orders he would be dealing with him, not the law. It was then I understood how Jim felt about me, while at the same time I came to understand just how much I love him and how my life would really buca escort suck without him.”
I looked at her smiling saying, “It must be tough being married to a super hero?”
Sue kind of laughed and said, “You should know. You have more experience with that than I.”
“I find that hard to believe,” I replied.
“You have no idea how John thinks of you, do you?” Sue asked.
“I know what he says. It is just too hard for me to believe,” I replied.
Sue looked at me then she asked, “Why is that?”
I thought for a moment then I said, “One day we were doing some spring cleaning around the house and I found our old wedding pictures. Looking at those pictures really depressed me. I was so young, thin, pretty and vibrant. So I threw them in the waste basket to be taken out. He looked at me and said, What are you doing? I said to him, I’m just throwing these pictures away like it was no big deal. He then said in a serious tone of voice, No you’re not. Then he grabbed the pictures out of the waste basket and took them to his office where he put them away and told me to leave them alone. I then asked him, Why do you want to keep them? He said, Whenever I think of you, these pictures come into my mind. Now do you understand why that is so hard to believe?” I asked Sue.
‘that is so sweet,” Sue said, ‘do you know how many women wished their husbands felt that way about them after 20 years of marriage?”
I didn’t know what to say I just looked at Sue. Then she asked, “What do you see whenever you think about John?”
I blushed again then I said, “You know that picture of John at the fire I told you about?”
“Yes,” she said.
‘that is how I see my husband, so brave, so strong, and so selfless,” I replied.
“I would love to see that picture. Can you show it to me some time?” Sue asked.
“Why don’t we go over to my house and take a look at it?” I asked Sue.
Sue said, ‘sure I’ll go and get Jim to see if he would like to look at it to.”
In a couple of minutes Sue returned from the kitchen with Jim and we headed back to my house to look at the picture.
Jill had only been out of the house a few minutes when John was deciding what chores to start with. It seemed that the list never got any shorter. He went back to their bedroom to put on some work clothes. He had put on an old pair of jeans, a tee shirt and one sock when he was thinking about what he and Jill talked about last night. It was then it finally sunk in, the thought she finally knew about him and Jim.
He had been dreading this day his whole adult life. Now she knows his deepest secret. He knows what she said last night, can he believe her. In his heart of hearts deep down the answer was no. His whole life he had only known one truth. That truth is, women don’t like men who have sex with other men. Now his wife knew and he knew that would be the end of their relationship. He just sat on the bed partially dressed wondering what he should do now. Everything has changed. The one thing he prized most in his life would soon be gone. He couldn’t help himself, he was swirling out of control down a bottomless pit and now his life didn’t seem worth anything. In John’s mind his wife could no longer respect him, let alone love him. She was going to leave him because of the one truth he had always known. He kept thinking over and over Jill was going to leave him. The thought would not leave his head. Frozen like a scared animal he stayed on their bed till he could no longer hold it in. He started to sob uncontrollably on their bed. For once in his life he wished he could go back and change everything, including changing himself. The more he thought about that, the more he cried. The more he cried the worse he felt. He just wished it would go away, but it would not. He knew he really screwed up and the blame was all his. He didn’t know how he could deal with the consequences. So he just cried some more. Then he started thinking and he thought if Jill was going to leave him they should at least talk. He wanted to apologize to her and let her know he did not intend to hurt her and that he was really sorry for what he did. He knew this would not stop her from leaving him but at least he would have the opportunity to apologize and tell her he would always love her. Even though she has lost her love for him. Then he just started crying some more not being able to move off the bed.
Jill, Sue and Jim entered Jill and John’s house and went directly to Jill’s home office. Jill pointed at the picture that hung on the wall opposite of her desk and said, “Here it is.” Sue let out a gasped when she looked at the picture and then she looked at her husband.
Jim then said he didn’t realize any copies of this picture still existed. Then Sue said, “I know what you mean now Jill.” Then she continued with, “Wow who couldn’t help but be in love with some on like that?”
Jill then heard a noise from her and John’s bed room and she excused her self from Sue and Jim’s company. She entered the bedroom and saw her husband John sitting on her bed sobbing. She walked over to the bed and sat next to her husband. Jill then put her arm around her husband and asked, “Honey what’s wrong?”