“Are you sure you should do this again?” Gina asked me over lunch a couple of weeks later. Lia and I had gotten together nearly every night during those two weeks and it was like it used to be. Fantastic sex at night, friendly acquaintances during the day. “Why not?” I took a bite of my burger. “I just thought you . . . I don’t know.” Gina shook her head, then pushed her brown hair back behind her ears. “I don’t know either,” I admitted. “I don’t know what I want, or what she wants, but maybe we’re just hooking up for a bit without the pressure.” “Iris, come on. Lia not knowing what she wants is the problem. We all know that. Truth is, I think that even if Lia decided on something, once she had it, she wouldn’t want it anymore. She likes the chase; you don’t mind the chase, but you like it when the chase ends.” “She might like that this time.” “Iris.” Gina gave me a sympathetic smile and patted my hand. “You’re in denial and you know it.” “I know. What can I say? I can’t help it.” Everyone had a vice, something they indulged in despite the lack of benefits. For me, that was Lia. “I don’t mean to be harsh, but maybe you should end it now?” “I wish I could. I seriously do. Part of me hopes it works this time, but the rest of me knows that it’s just going to blow up.” I stared at my burger but my appetite was long gone. “So why don’t you stop it now, before it blows up?” I gave her a wry smile. “Because it feels so good right now.” Gina sighed and shook her head. “Guess I’ll just have to let you learn your lesson the hard way.” “Guess so.” I figured it would take a while to learn this particular lesson. It wasn’t like I’d gotten it the first time around. I wouldn’t be in my current situation if I had. I was a reasonably intelligent woman, but like a compass around a magnet, my center got all screwed up when Lia was around. So it went for the next month. Lia and I got together, downed pizza or Thai food, sweated up the sheets, ran the batteries down on Kartal Escort our little purple friend multiple times, set records for orgasm intensity, and then passed out jumbled together on the bed. Outside of the bedroom our conversations rarely got more in-depth than an analysis of the last episode of Game of Thrones. When we did talk about other things, it often devolved into a fight because aside from sex, that was what we did best. Lia didn’t want to talk about anything that smacked of deepening the relationship, and she would change the subject by initiating either sex or an argument. I came home from work one night, exhausted. First thing in the morning, my editor had been on my ass to get the story done. I’d spent the day chasing sources around the city, both on phone and on foot, and had gotten through the day on lattes and chips. When I got to my apartment, all I wanted was not to move for the next week. Lia came bouncing in from the bedroom, dressed for a night out. “Hey! I was wondering when you’d get here!” “Hi.” I gave her a wan smile. “You look terrific in that dress.” “I thought so, too.” She spun around to give me the full effect. The short skirt flared out and I got a glimpse of her ass. “Ready to go?” “Go?” I propped up on my elbows. “Lia, I just got home and I’m beat.” “Oh, come on, Iris. It’s Friday and you’ve been working all week.” Lia dropped into a chair and pouted. “I don’t want to stay in. I’m bored.” “Well, excuse the hell out of me for not entertaining you every minute.” “You do this all the time. You work and come home and sit or you want to talk.” “My God, I’m a total aberration. Imagine going to work and wanting to relax afterwards. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” “Oh, for Christ’s sake, Iris. You can’t go out once in a while? What, will it kill you? You act like an old woman and you’re not even thirty.” “I’m an old woman because I don’t want to go to a club every weekend?” I Kartal Escort Bayan glared at her. “At least I know when to act my age.” “So now I’m immature?” she shot back. “I’m not the only one who’s coming up on thirty, but I’m not the one going to clubs like I’m still in college.” “I know what this is.” Lia stood up and crossed her arms over her chest. “You’re trying to keep me here with you.” I barked a laugh. “What an awful thing, to want my girlfriend to spend time with me. How terrible that after a sucky week at work, I might want my girlfriend to put my needs a little ahead of going to a fucking dance club.” “You’re trying to make me as boring as you are!” “If I’m so goddamned boring, why do you keep coming back to me?” “Me, come back? I don’t think so. I didn’t corner you in the club hallway.” “Bullshit. You followed me down there and waited, and you weren’t trying to get my drink order.” “I was horny and you were there.” That hurt and I retaliated. “You have a lot of sex in club hallways with whoever’s there?” “I’m not a slut, Iris, and you know it!” “No, you’re just a free spirit, right? No being tied down to anything, just sailing through life. You hook up with someone and drift apart and call it being free and open. Bullshit. You get bored and you get scared and you don’t know how to be a grown-up.” “If being a grown-up means letting my work suck the fun right out of everything, then hell, yes, I don’t want to be one.” “Don’t worry, I don’t think you could if you wanted to.” I stood and faced her. “You’re too much of a coward to be a grown-up.” She jabbed a finger at my chest. “Fuck you! I’m leaving. I am going to go to the club and drink and dance and have fun. You can sit here and play solitaire and watch Lifetime movies in your flannel pj’s and bunny slippers.” The door slammed behind her and I stomped into the kitchen. Too tired to do much, I had a bowl of cereal and dumped the dishes in the Escort Kartal sink. I changed into some sweatpants and a t-shirt and dropped back onto the couch. Our fight had left me frustrated. I regretted saying something to hurt her, but I was getting tired of the way she acted and that outweighed my regret. With nothing else to do, I found something on TV and left it on, but I didn’t pay it any attention. I was tired enough that I fell asleep on the couch despite both my anger and the television. The sudden absence of both jerked me awake and I sat up, trying to orient myself. “Hey, sorry.” Lia set her purse on a chair and lifted one foot to take off a shoe. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” “’S okay.” I rubbed my eyes. “What are you doing here?” “What are you talking about?” “The big fight we had before you left. You know, where you said I’m making you boring and you were leaving.” “Oh, sweetie, I’m sorry.” She kicked off her other shoe and sat next to me. “I didn’t mean it. I was just upset that you didn’t feel like going with me. You know how I get. I just have a short fuse sometimes.” I made a non-committal sound and tried to steel myself. “That doesn’t mean you can walk out of here like that and expect to come back, or expect me to like it.” “Iris, really, I’m sorry.” She leaned in and kissed me. “I didn’t mean any of that.” I couldn’t help myself. “Any adventures in the corridors tonight?” I aimed to hurt her, but whether I did or not, she laughed it off. “No, no corridors. But there were some rather attractive people on the dance floor.” She grabbed my earlobe with her teeth and tugged before releasing it. “All that dancing, all those gorgeous bodies. It got me thinking.” She nibbled on my neck. “Got me horny.” “Lia . . . .” “Iris, come on. It’s late and I said I’m sorry. Let’s get into bed and I’ll show you how much. I’ll make it all up to you. We’ll talk tomorrow.” With her hands and mouth and our purple friend, she most certainly did make some things up to me. The talk, as I expected, never happened. It bothered me. I wanted more of Lia and she wasn’t willing to give. I didn’t know why and it frustrated me. Why wouldn’t she open up? I didn’t want every detail of her life, I just wanted to know about her because, damn it all, I loved her.