I stared at the counter. Music played faintly over the speakers, sunlight shining through the windows as happy customers chatted around me. And I kept staring at the counter. The spot where James made me cum the night before. People had been ignorantly passing me their money over it all morning. I couldn’t escape the shame from such a constant reminder, and I wanted to scream.I nearly did when James walked into my store.My eyes tried to jump out of their sockets at the same time the sudden butterflies in my stomach began to panic.”Get out,” I snapped under my breath when he was close enough.He looked smug as always. “That might be a bit awkward considering George gave me a ride,” he whispered, then stepped aside, my son and another student named Stuart wrapping up their banter as they approached.”Hey mom,” George grinned.”Hey!” Recalibrating my facial expression left me in excess of enthusiasm. I tried to dial it back. “Come to see me for lunch?””Yep. James still hasn’t had one of your famous bagel sandwiches yet.”I knew James wouldn’t reveal the truth–that he had, in fact, had one, the first day we met–but what he did say shocked me nearly as much.“I do remember how good her cookies were, though.” He grinned.Was he serious?”Thank you.” I flashed him a tight-lipped smile I hope he interpreted as, shut the fuck up. “Stuart, nice to see you.” I greeted my son’s other friend, anything to change the subject.”Hey Mrs. Carter,” Stuart replied eagerly. His eyes sparkled at my attention. While prepping their lunches, I considered the juxtaposition between James and Stuart. They were both seniors in high school, tall and athletic, both attracted to me, but that was where their similarities ended. Stuart saw me through an innocent, nervous crush. James saw through me, in no way nervous with his fixated, deep eyes. He wasn’t a sweet boy like his peers. Where Stuart was coming into his own, James had already gotten there. ___When Saturday came, my head was clearer than it had been all week, my thoughts as clean as the air in my lungs, running along my usual trail. After seeing James in my store, he came to my house the following day to practice with George, though he didn’t corner, coerce, or otherwise seduce me, and I was feeling optimistic. Maybe he finally realized how completely inappropriate what happened was. Maybe I could move past this now. Maybe.Maybe I knew I was lying to myself when James materialized beside me the way he had last Saturday–jogging lightly, a grin on his face–and my heart started pumping undiluted excitement through my body. The low music emanating from my earbud became distant behind my now very loud thoughts.He was silent, in no rush to begin a conversation that would surely end in a fight. Yet here he was anyway. Exuding carefree ease as if he were completely unaffected kocaeli escort bayan by the insanity between us, though I knew that wasn’t true. If it were, he wouldn’t be here. He couldn’t stay away from me just as I couldn’t say no to him. Hadn’t, I mean, not couldn’t…Following the trail into the trees, we came to the spot where James first kissed me, and I couldn’t run anymore. Slowing to a stop, he did the same. His hard chest heaved as he caught his breath, hands on his hips, waiting for me to begin.I didn’t start right away. Studying him instead. An ocean of tenacity stared back.Why are you here? I didn’t say.Because I knew you missed me, his eyes didn’t reply.I don’t miss you.Just because you can’t admit it to yourself doesn’t mean it isn’t true.I looked away from his accusation, folding my arms. “Why are you making this so difficult?” I was officially exasperated.”I could ask you the same,” he claimed.The urge to scream returned.”What can I say to make you leave me alone?””Is that really what you want?” He was quieter than usual.I sighed angrily. “Last time we were here, in this very spot, you insulted who I am, what I do, what I wear, and then kissed me. You came onto me when I tried to tell you to leave me alone-“”I asked if you were lonely,” he interjected firmly. “I asked if you really enjoyed serving suburbia because I think you’re better than this place, and I love the way you dress. I am more than happy to give you the attention you deserve.””I don’t need your attention,” I hissed through my teeth.”Well, you want it so bad, at this point it might be a need,” he mused cockily.I was reeling. “What makes you so sure?””If you didn’t want me, you’d tell me that.” There was a sharp edge to his words. James took a step toward me, his frustration with my resistance coming to a head. “All you can say is ‘I can’t do this’ and ‘this is wrong’ but you have yet to explicitly tell me you aren’t attracted to me and that you don’t want me to fuck your brains out. You told me to come to your store when you knew we’d be alone. That’s how I know.”A breeze rustled the foliage around us when we fell silent, the indistinct conversation of a distant pair of runners on the trail behind us. A full minute must have passed before he spoke again, more gently this time.”Tell me your husband pleases you.”The last sex I had with Eric passed through my mind: It was last Thursday before his work trip and I thought about the person currently in front of me to make myself cum…”Tell me you’re not tired of playing the perfect host; the perfect mom; perfect wife. I can see the disappointment behind your constant smile. When are you going to start being honest with yourself?”Without another word, I turned and jogged away. James let me go, knowing I would take his words with me and consider them against kocaeli sınırsız escort my better judgment.___He was right.I wasn’t happy about it.I did want him to fuck my brains out, I acknowledged, when my stubbornness receded a few hours later. The night at the bakery exceeded my fantasies. After it happened, I’d gone home and masturbated furiously several times to the thought of James’ hand inside me. His pursuit of me as well as the truth from my lips was relentless and matter-of-fact. He was a go-getter. I hoped that would help him get far in life. It was certainly getting him far with me…But while half of me ached for him, my more sensible half considered his comments on my repressed depression. George came home as I sat at the kitchen table with my laptop, stewing over these problematic developments.“Hi mom,” he greeted me when he entered the room.“Hey, sweetie.”“You okay?” George paused, taking a closer look at me.Shit.“Yeah, I’m fine.” I tried to sound surprised, smiling widely. “What’s up?” I sat forward to look more lively. If my son ever discovered something happened between me and his friend, I would die on the spot. If I just pretended like everything was normal…“I was gonna let you know I’ll be out for the night.”“Where?”“Eastwood. But I might crash at Stewart’s.”“What’s her name?” I guessed.George blushed, smiling. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”“Yeah, okay,” I teased, earning a laugh from my son. He’s had girlfriends before, not many, but each a commitment he took seriously, never bringing them home unless he was certain of his feelings. His emotional maturity afforded him consideration for each decision. I used to think he got that from me.“I’ll be back in the morning,” he assured, “But call if you need anything.” I knew I was lucky to have a kid like him. Whether or not I deserved him was another matter.After he’d gone, I continued the search for my husband’s online accounts. When I’d been through everything twice and was just about to give up, I looked one last place, and there it was.___A knock sounded from the front door. The sky was black outside the windows, I wasn’t expecting visitors and George had long been gone by then. When I answered, James was waiting. He gave me the same smile he always did; heartbreaking and flawless and carnal.“Hey,” he said.“Hi… George isn’t here.”“I know.”He watched me process that. We exchanged a long, loaded look, until I broke it to glance behind him.“I walked,” he answered my silent question. No car in the driveway.With a nod, I stepped into the house and James followed, shutting the door behind him. Walking into the kitchen, I asked, “Are you hungry? Thirsty?”“What perfect host behavior,” he mocked.I took a breath, turning to face him head-on. It sounded like he was ready to get izmit anal yapan escort this started.“I thought about our last conversation, and I just want us to be friends,” I explained.He didn’t believe a word I said.“Friends?”“I want us to have a normal relationship, James. Yes, I am… attracted to you,” there, I said it, “but we both know it would be wrong to continue acting on that. I’ve been very irresponsible for allowing what’s happened so far.”James considered my words. “Gonna tell me I’m too young? That you want no part in destroying my innocence?”Yes, my eyes said.“I hate to tell you that my innocence was destroyed before you came along.”“You don’t understand-”“I don’t suffer any delusions about the possibilities between us, Samantha. I don’t want George to know anything either.” My throat tightened at the mention of my son. “The way I see it, this is between you and me, and it isn’t anyone else’s business if I’m pleasuring you.” The tightness turned to asphyxiation at the non-mention of my husband.My heart thudded.“And you think you’re old enough to have an affair with a woman old enough to be your mother?” I clarified, putting a little fire in my own eyes. James smiled.“I don’t know, how do you think I did?” He took a step toward me. “Good enough to be worth having an affair with?”I bumped into the counter behind me as he continued closer. My mouth went dry, my attempt to swallow the lump in my throat audible.“I…”“Yes?” he encouraged.“That wasn’t the question,” I dodged.“Come on, Samantha. You finally admit you’re attracted to me. You really think we can be just friends now?”“Yes.” Even I could hear my uncertainty. Attempting to retreat around the counter and away from him, James followed, grabbing my wrist, my waist.“So reluctant to take what you want,” he chastised.”James-“”Just say it. Say you want me to pleasure you.” My hand went to his chest with intent to halt his descent on me, the density of his hard muscles distracting me instead. He pressed his lips to my ear. “God, what I wouldn’t give to hear you say it.”My hands moved up to his shoulders. I only realized when I saw my fingers tangling into the hair at the back of his head. I pulled back, as if shaking off a trance. “Wait-””Let me lick you, Samantha. You can wrap your thighs around my head while I eat that yummy pussy.”Holyeverlovingfuck.”James, no,” I whimpered, “this is wrong.””Yeah, and it’s all I fucking think about.”His mouth found mine then. My head spun. He moved to my jaw so I could breathe as I broke into hyperventilation. Large hands moving over my round backside, he guided me up onto the island countertop, standing between my open legs.”I want you so bad,” he breathed.”Ohh,” I sighed worriedly.”Come on. I know you think about this, too. Tell me you want me.”He clouded my senses, eliciting the words to the tip of my tongue. He filled my mind, eclipsing every rational thought, argument, anything standing in his way.”I…””Yes?” He tucked his hands under the hem of my tight t-shirt, feeling my skin.”I…” I mumbled once more. When he cupped my breasts, thumbs tracing over each nipple, I gasped.