After a handful of minutes stretching, Ash sent a text message for the next girl to make her way up. Andy had turned his notes over so that Aisling couldn’t look at them, and he smirked a little, noticing her frowning at the back of the legal pad.
“You said you didn’t want to influence my decision, so I don’t know why you should want to look at my notes, Ash.” They had built a wonderfully natural teasing rapport with each other over the past few months, so Aisling knew he was joking with her, but was willing to roll with him.
She grinned up as she reached across the table to push the button and advance the slide. “Next: Katie.” The redhead moved to sit back in her chair, and shrugged in his direction. “I’m mostly just curious how you’re reacting to what you’ve heard so far, and how your opinions differ from mine, which I’m sure they will, here and there. I’ve heard all these pitches a couple of times, so it’ll be interesting to see how many predictions I get right.”
“Did you write them down?”
“Well, no,” Ash said.
Andy grabbed his yellow legal pad and ripped out a single sheet from the bottom of it, sliding it and his pen across to her. “Alright, predictions then. Write them down now. Don’t show them to me, but fold up the paper when you’re done. We can have whoever’s after Katie bring us an envelope to seal it up.
Just around the time that Aisling was folding up the sheet of paper, Katie walked into the room, confident in her stride. Andy cocked his head to one side as she walked in the room. The Hispanic woman was, as it seemed she always was, wearing a button up shirt underneath jean overalls. “Do you own other clothes besides overalls, Katie?” he asked her.
She stuck her tongue out at him, which made Ash giggle again. “I can be girly and shit, sir, but I mostly keep that for Jenny. How’re the presentations going so far?”
“You know the rules, Katie,” Aisling politely scolded, “no talking about anyone else’s pitch until the very end.”
Katie winked at her, shrugging a little. After Andy had settled her nerves about keeping a level of removal between him and her and her wife, Katie had relaxed massively and grown into a more comfortable relationship with the rest of the house. “Had to try. Anyway, let’s get this fucking show on the road!” She grabbed the remote in her calloused hand and clicked the button as the screen behind her changed to an image of a slightly matronly looking woman in her early 40s, dark chocolate hair up in a bun, skin just slightly olive, some mix of European heritage that surely had to include either Italian or Spanish. The woman on screen wasn’t overweight, but was certainly the most bulky woman that had been on the screen thus far, not fat, simply hefty.
“This is Doctor Morgan Fitch. She’s a general practitioner in Los Altos who also dabbles in pediatrics. In talking with everyone in the house, it’s clear at some point, you are going to be in dire need of a nanny around this place, and having one who’s also a damn doctor just seems like smart thinking to me. By this time in a couple of years, this house is practically gonna be a little city, so you need to make sure all the major staples are taken care of. Some of the girls will wanna be full time mommies, no doubt, but for the rest, you’re going to want to have child care. If you need that anyway, why not have that person be a doctor?”
“How do you know Dr. Fitch?” Andy asked.
Katie blanched a little bit. “She’s kinda an ex of mine.” She raised her hand immediately, a sheepish smile on her face. “We didn’t part on bad terms, promise! At the end of the day, she was into the whole polyamory thing, and I wasn’t, so we split, but remained good friends. That was five years ago, just before I met Jenny, so it all worked out okay in the end. She’s had relationships on and off since then, but nothing’s stuck. She’s mostly a lesbian, but doesn’t mind the occasional bit of dick here and there, so I think she might be a good fit for a staff member. She once told me that she likes to fuck men, but never gets emotionally attached to them the way she does to women, and what with her being staff, she’d be okay to pursue a female partner to take care of her emotional needs.”
“What makes you think she’ll want to join the household?” Ash queried.
“Morgan loves constantly shifting problems, and this house is like nothing I’ve ever seen before. Even before you start spawning, you’re gonna need a doctor to make sure your family is in the best condition possible. Until you’re having kids, she can staff a clinic in town on a volunteer basis, so she’s getting settled here in the mean time. She’s bored with the people in Los Altos, and we’ve always been good friends, so I think knowing I’m here would make her more likely to come aboard.”
“Challenges you anticipate?” he said.
“She’d be the oldest person in the house at 46, but I think it gives her wisdom. Also, you might find her a bit… blunt, until you get used to her.”
Katie tried to hide a little smile, shrugging, as she pushed the button to advance the slide to a screen reading “Next: Beykoz Escort Lauren” in friendly white letters. “Subtle she ain’t, sir. I have never met anyone more direct in my life. I’ve always been a little thankful that she wasn’t my doctor, because her bedside manner is more than a bit lacking. But sometimes you need someone to just slap you upside the head. Sir. We all do. Morgan would fill that role. And if she ever gets too blunt for your liking, you can tell her, and maybe she’ll dial it down a little bit, or realize that she might’ve once gone too far. She’s direct, but she’s never intentionally mean. And even if you don’t think Morgan’s a good fit for here, and I can completely respect that if that’s what you decide, I still want to stress that you’re going to be in dire need of a nanny here at some point soon, so to keep that in mind moving forward.”
“Point taken and noted, Katie. Anything else you wanna say?”
Katie brought her finger to her lips, considering for a moment, then slowly stood up. “Just one thing. I know Jenny brought you her old roommate Lexi as a candidate, and I want to throw my weight behind that, even if it’s at the cost of my own candidate. I would’ve not pitched someone else if I could’ve pitched Lexi twice, y’know what I mean? Lexi’s had a shitty go of it and I desperately want her to be happy, and I really think she can be here.”
Andy chuckled a little. “Unorthodox, but sure, I’ll keep it under advisement. Alexis did seem like an excellent candidate, so we’ll see how it goes.”
“Thanks sir! Enjoy the rest of the pussy parade!” she laughed, heading out of the room.
Ash shook her head at him with a smile. “I have no idea how you can be such a good poker player with a poker face like that.”
He grinned, giving her a saucy wink. “It’s easier when you don’t give a shit about your opponents. This is family, so I don’t have to stay so stoic. Besides, I know Jenny and Katie are close, so it’s okay to let them share a little secret on my behalf.”
“Oh we’ve all got our little secrets, Andy. If you’re nice, maybe I’ll even let you in on one eventually.”
He tsked her in jest, waggling a finger in her direction. “My girls are keeping secrets from me? Heaven forbid, what next?”
“What’s next is Lauren, and frankly, I will probably be spending this entire presentation with my hand over my mouth, desperately trying to stay quiet, and likely failing miserably.” Aisling had a strange grin on her face that told Andy this next one might be a little unusual.
He didn’t have long to consider it, though, as the door opened and the statuesque Lauren strode into the room decked out in a workout track suit with the 49ers logo on it. “Hey Andy, Ash. Thanks for letting all of us do this. I can’t tell ya if I’m presenting my candidate to you on a lark, because I think she’s actually a good idea or because of the girl herself. Maybe some combination of all three. So let me just get right down to brass tacks,” the Aussie said, as she moved to sit down across from them. She picked up the remote and clicked the button as the screen sprung to life.
On the screen was an image of a 49ers cheerleader, a fit woman with a large blonde mane of hair like sun-dried grass, bubblegum pink lipstick and a smile that was so wide Andy wondered if it hurt when she finally let her face relax. She was pretty in a sort of pageant kind of way, although he suspected she didn’t look quite so forced in regular photos that weren’t taken from the 49ers website.
“This is Jade Dillon. She’s been a cheerleader for the 49ers for about three years now, and is literally the most optimistic person I have ever met in my entire life. She is bubbly and chipper and all smiles even at the worst of times. When the pandemic set in, she sent the entire 49ers organization an email reminding them that adversity is simply opportunity in disguise. No lie, Andy, she is completely unflappable in every way possible. She’s… she’s like a golden retriever in a person! Peppy and enthusiastic and always full of confidence.”
Andy looked over and saw that Ash had, indeed, both of her hands over her mouth, trying to hold in her desire to laugh, but he could still hear tiny giggles threatening to escape. He looked back to Lauren, a slightly quizzical expression on his face. “I can’t tell if you admire her for that or if it drives you crazy.”
“Both!” Lauren said, throwing up her hands, laughing at herself. “It’s infuriating! Even when she was kneeling in protest alongside Colin Kaepernick, she was still smiling about it. I don’t know what to do with her! I mean, I get it. She’s a kindergarten teacher as her day job, so pennies on the dollar that’s what helps her keep all that energy up, but strewth, I just don’t know how she does it! I mean, she comes from money, so I imagine that’s gotta help.”
The tall blonde tanned Aussie nodded, pushing the button to show Jade in a more normal setting, in an evening dress standing next to an older gentleman who Andy knew he’d seen somewhere before. “Her daddy is Cormack Dillon, one of the cofounders of Bindr, that teleconferencing Beykoz Escort Bayan tool everyone’s using these days, but she’s sort of tried to distance herself from ‘er daddy over the last few years. An’, in a ‘ain’t it a small world’ moment, Cormack Dillon was the guy Katie used to work for before she came here, so she and Jade know one another already.”
“I could’ve asked Katie about her then,” Andy lamented. “Shame she was just here.” Jade looked much more lovely without the pancake makeup, her blonde hair a waterfall of curls, although Andy was also taken aback for a moment, reflexively trying to estimate how much that necklace she was wearing must have cost. After a second, Andy recognized where the photo was taken – at the prestigious Palace of Fine Arts, where every year the Silicon Valley elite held their own private high end gala.
Lauren pushed the button again and the image changed to Jade in more casual clothes, sitting with a handful of other girls in some sidewalk cafe overlooking the Pacific ocean. She had to be under thirty. There was no denying she was fit and lovely, although Andy did wonder if growing up steeped in money had warped her in some way. “Well, you kin ask her before make your mind up. She might have some things to say to sway your mind one way or another, but I simply gotta tell you this one thing, because it is first and foremost the reason I want to bring her to you…”
Aisling looked like she was ready to turn blue, trying to hold in her breath and her laughter, her face scrunched up, actual tears rolling down her cheeks, all to Andy’s confusion.
Lauren pushed the button again and the photo zoomed in, showing just Jade now, laughing and smiling. “Jade Dillion…” She pushed the button again and the image of Jade suddenly had a very large cartoon cherry resting on top of her head. “…is an honest-to-god twenty-six year old virgin.”
At that, Aisling couldn’t help herself, and started laughing furiously, which only made Lauren grin even wider as Andy kept looking between the two of them, wondering desperately if they were putting him on.
“It’s not for religious reasons, an’ it’s not something she goes out of her way ta advertise… hell, I doubt very many people even know that she’s cherry. But I went out drinking with her and the rest of the Gold Rush girls one night after an away game, and Jade got pretty hammered so I had to help her back to her hotel room. And when I was holding her hair back while she chundered in the dunny, she told me that she’d never lost her virginity, and that boys suck, and she was so damn tired of giving blowies to stall boys out until she was sure they were the one. She’s always suspected they weren’t after her so much as they were her daddy’s money, and so, she’s never done the deed.”
Andy reached over and patted Aisling’s back, as the redhead was still doubled over with fits of uncontrollable laughter. He felt like he should go through the same questions he had with all the others, but knew the first one would only set Ash off again. “Do you… think she and I would be compatible?” Ash, indeed, giggled twice as hard, waving her hand in the air, trying to stall Lauren from talking long enough for her to catch her breath.
“Sexually, this girl doesn’t know the difference between her fanny and a hole in the ground, so it’s all to play for, mate,” Lauren said, giving a little shrug. “But you wouldn’t give a tosser about her Daddy’s money, now that Watkins done set you up for life, so maybe you could work the rest out? I mean, when was the last time you popped a girl’s cherry?”
Andy chuckled softly, giving the giant blonde a slight shrug. “Never. I’ve never been a girl’s first. I didn’t lose my virginity until my early 20s, and the girl I lost it to had been with a couple of guys before me.”
“Then that’s awlright, son,” Lauren said, grinning at him. “Then you owe it to yourself to treat yourself at least once.”
“I don’t know if I could handle quite that sunny of a disposition, though. I mean, I rely on cynicism, sarcasm and negativity just to get through some days,” Andy joked. “Deprived of all of that, how would I manage?”
“Oh, I think you’d do alright, Andy. You’re more capable than you know. And even if you’re not into her crackin’ bod, she’s a kindergarten teacher, and you might need that sometime soon. I bet she’d be happy to take over as a nanny for the house, if you wanted her to.”
Aisling looked like she was finally started to regain her composure, the laughing fits having mostly died down, although she was still wiping tears from her eyes. “Any concerns?” she finally was able to say, though not without considerable effort.
“Her Daddy might not approve of you, but then again, I don’t know if her daddy’s even alive right now, and even if he is, she’s likely not t’ give a damn. I think the biggest concern is…” Lauren’s face bunched up somewhere between amusement and annoyance. “Hell. The biggest concern is you’d have is that ye’d have ta break her of the fake cussing and get to her swear like a proper sheila, an’ she might have some resistance to that. Dunno fer certain.”
“Y’know, ‘gosh golly gee whillickers I stubbed my heckin’ toe!’ kinda nonsense,” Lauren sighed. “I know she works around kids all day, but when you’re out with grownups, talk like one. Crikey. Drives me ’round the bleedin’ bend.”
Andy’s eyes widened a little bit. “Yeah, that might be a dealbreaker, Lauren. People who can’t cuss creep me out a bit.”
Lauren waved a hand in his direction. “Buggerall. You get her wound up enough, tell’er it’s what you like an’ you’re not gonna give ‘er a lay until she does, betcha she’d suddenly make sailors blush so quick your head’ll spin. She’d get over it without much fuss. My guess is she’s just spent too much time around the anklebiters. Anyway, that’s my go at it. She and I are kinda friends, but it’s no skin off my back either way you wanna call it.” She pushed the button and the screen advanced again, to a black screen with the words “Next: Nicolette” in white at the center of it.
The tall blonde stood up, smiling at him. “Besides, what kinda partner would I be if I knew I had a virgin sacrifice in my back pocket to make to our dark god and I didn’t at least try? See ya!” And as she walked out of the room, Aisling started giggling again.
“You need a minute, Ash?” Andy smirked.
“I have no idea what you’re going to do with… all of that, Andy, but believe me, getting to hear that pitch three times has made all of this absolutely worth it for me,” she said in between laughs and gasps for breath, gesturing with her left hand in the direction of the door, as she sent the text message to tell Nicolette it was time for her presentation with her right..
“I just worry that a girl like that, who’s been saving her virginity for Mr. Right, would utterly balk at the idea of having to share that Mr. Right with a wide spectrum of other girls.” Andy sighed. “I wouldn’t want to disrespect her, and frankly, Lauren doesn’t even know what Jade’s looking for.”
“Look at the world today, love,” Aisling said with a shrug. “It’s not a speck like it was this time last year. Men are a scarce resource these days, so those of us who’ve latched onto a good bloke want to make sure that any girls we’ve ever been friends with is taken care of. Despite what she said, despite all her warnings, Lauren still brought her to you, and that should say the most important thing.” She giggled a little bit. “Besides, who else is going to offer you a fucking virgin sacrifice?!”
Andy waved his hand with a laugh. “Yeah, there’s no disputing that! It’ll have to be something to keep in mind. I’m not entirely sure how Nicolette’s gonna follow that,” he said, as the door opened again.
“Oh, don’t you worry, Master,” the busty blonde French maid said to him as she entered the room. “I have brought you a staff member that you would be completely mad to pass up.” Nicolette was, as it seemed like she always was, dressed in a French maid’s outfit, although this particular one looked more like an actual maid’s outfit and less like a porn star’s idea of a maid’s outfit than some of them had been. “This is both a role you need to fill in the house and a woman unlike any other you have here.”
“Don’t oversell her too much, Nic,” Aisling said with a smirk.
“Oh, madame, but I simply must do so,” Nicolette teased, picking up the remote, clicking the button. On the screen, an image of woman in her early-to-mid twenties appeared. The first thing Andy noticed was the sharp contrast of colors – the woman had pale, almost marble-colored skin, and long jet black hair the color of midnight, mostly swept back but with cute bangs in front. She had slender cheekbones, and wore a dark red lipstick the color of a ripe apple. She had deep blue eyes behind heavy black rimmed glasses, and her face held a sort of quirky, shy smile. She was startlingly beautiful, if in a rather fragile sort of way. “This is my friend Whitney Wells. She’s 23, grew up in Chicago and moved out to California for college, and she is going to be the Rook family household IT engineer.”
Andy’s eyebrow arched, wondering just why Nicolette thought Andy would need Informational Technology, basically his own personal tech support, in house, on call at all times, but decided to let Nicolette continue.
“One of the things you haven’t realized yet is that this house is very much a smart house. I know you haven’t realized it, Master, because you haven’t even done most of the basic setup yet. Now I figured it was simply because you hadn’t a spare moment to sit down and take care of all of it, but I also now think it’s because you just don’t realize it’s even there! This whole house is completely wired for technology, and you need someone to not only set it up for you, but also to maintain it all. For example, did you know that if you wanted to, you could set up a direct and secure pipeline to the movie company talking about doing the movies based on your books, and you could actually see dailies as they worked on them? Of course you didn’t! Hell, I didn’t know that either until I was giving my friend Whitney a tour of the place through FaceTime, and she pointed out that you have a designated trunk line coming into the house with multiple links to the nearest backbone.” Nicolette giggled. “I don’t even know what that means either, Master, but I’m 100% certain it’s important!”