Window Shopping


Emily leaned back in her chair, kicking the front legs up as she sipped cabernet, the deep purple wine clinging to her lips. “You seeing anybody yet?”  I rolled my eyes and poured myself. “No, Em, I haven’t got time for that.” “It’s been six months. Don’t you think it’s about time you made time.” “You know how my job is. I’ve got three projects going right now, and we’re bidding on the new library.” Emily leaned forward and plucked a Gitane from the cobalt blue box. It was like her to smoke a strong, foreign cigarette. She wasn’t the kind of girl who’d smoke something so prosaic as a Marlboro or Winston. She drove a Peugeot that cost her a metric ton to maintain, drank Chilean wines and wore silk dresses when flannel was chic among lesbians. Her neighboring apartment was a temple of books, which probably explained why she had lived there throughout and beyond two serious but failed relationships. Her books outweighed the baggage. Perhaps that’s why I’d stayed as well, or simple inertia. I slid the last of our dinner dishes into the dishwasher, while bitching mildly about unreasonable deadlines in between sips of wine. “Gary, you are always facing deadlines. Don’t let work become an excuse. I know she hurt you, but it’s time.” “And who would I date?” Emily turned her eyes away, taking a long puff from her cigarette, letting the smoke hang in the air. “Whomever you want.” I pulled the cork from the bottle, and refilled our glasses. “And what about you, Em? I haven’t heard much giggling from your bedroom lately.” “You can hear?” She turned around, mouth open and face slightly flushed. “I didn’t think I was that noisy.” “Fear not. There’s concrete block between our apartments. It’s intended as a firewall, but it does a decent job of blocking sound. Emily smiled wanly. “I’m glad. Still, I was relieved when you replaced that old box spring.” I winced. The damned thing was loud, but I didn’t think the noise would transmit through concrete block and drywall.“Don’t be so serious, I’m just teasing. Have you met that new girl in 42-C?” she asked, now grinning mischievously. “She’s awful cute.” “The one across the courtyard?” “Yes.” “I ran into her once in the laundry room, but no, we haven’t really met. Even though I can see right into her apartment.” “Really? Get any shows?” “Pervert!” “Like you’re better. All guys like to look.” “Em, when I sit at that window I’m normally working on a CAD drawing. Yes, I can see but I don’t peek. What’s up, are you interested in her?” “A little,” she said taking another puff from her cigarette. She looked away again before adding. “Usually when you say that you’re very interested.” “Alright, she’s really cute. But she’s probably straight.” I poured myself a bit more wine so I wouldn’t have to say anything. “You should go to the party next weekend,” Emily suggested. “I could introduce you.” “You know her?” “We’ve met, in the laundry room. Only I was folding my unmentionables so we had a chance to chat. Her name is Lisa, and she’s a techie.” “Was she checking out your undies, Em?” “Maybe a little. I have some pretty interesting stuff.” Then she winked at me. That was one of those places I didn’t want to go. Emily often teased me sexually, and more often lately now that we both were between relationships. I enjoyed it but preferred to suppress that fantasy. Emily was far too tempting. She was pretty. Tall and slim with long red hair and flashing blue eyes. And she was so feminine, so atypical of the lesbian stereotype. Adding our friendship and her known interest in other women made for a dangerously seductive package. I dared not think about Emily sexually, because I knew what would happen. You start out with a few harmless fantasies, but sooner or later they turn into the drunken pass or unwelcome hints. Pop goes the friendship. I didn’t want to become one of those men, so I refused any hint of delusion. Better to think of her as the sister I never had and leave matters there. “Well, she has some pretty interesting stuff too.” I added. Emily raised her right eyebrow. “So she did give you a show?” “She hangs her clothes up on the porch to dry.” “Sun-dried clothing is the best way to go. But usually you don’t hang your unmentionables out there, at least the good stuff. Women reserve viewing for special moments with someone special.” “Unless you’re living with them.” “Well, small apartments do challenge the feminine mystique. No space for a boudoir.” “I didn’t think you did such things.” “You’d be surprised at what I do, Gary. You really would.” I smiled at her and saw that pensive look in her face, that I’d seen a lot of lately. And then her face lit up as she grinned at me again. “Well, Em, I’ve got to get back to my drawings. Deadline tomorrow, you know.” She grinned and sipped her wine, before rising. “I think the reason they gave you your computer is to get more work out of you. I know that’s why they gave me my laptop.” I laughed. “Everyone knows that’s true, we just don’t want to admit it. At least they let us put video games on our home machines.” “So you’ve been shooting zombies all this time, instead of working. “If I don’t get this drawing done, I’ll be turned into a zombie!” “Well, I’d hate to see that happen. Green is not your color.” As she opened my door to leave she reached back to touch my hand in parting. She grinned and her fingers slipped away, grazing gently across my skin. After the door clicked shut I lifted my hand for a second wondering, for she’d never touched me like that before. There seemed no point worrying about what Em was doing. I spotted my copy of Scene. It took a moment to scan the personals. Lots of single women. This one I liked but wouldn’t like me, that one I didn’t like. No one looked likely. I tossed the paper aside and headed for my bedroom, where the computer waited. Two clicks brought the ceiling plan up on my screen. Have to check the lighting levels before handing the plan over to the engineer for the circuit diagrams. As I worked my mind drifted back to Emily. Had she really been able to hear Theresa and I together in bed? It hardly seemed possible, and she knew our mattress squeaked from when she visited. But if they had, what would they have thought? Would they have been repulsed, like the stereotypical lesbian? I wondered about that. Mary had never been particularly friendly to me. Emily once told me she was jealous of our friendship. Rubbing my chin, I turned to look outside my window. There stood Lisa in her bedroom, backlit from her hallway light. She was clad only in a black slip and earrings, and the sheer fabric clung to her petite body. Her nipples were plainly visible beneath the fabric and I wondered if she was preparing herself for a lover. She was so pretty, and I felt my cock stirring as I looked. So I turned away and lay on the bed to give her privacy. Yet she was lovely, I realized, and I hungered for a woman’s touch. I looked back at the wall that divided Emily’s bedroom from mine. What if she had heard us together? Would our passion have inspired Em and Mary to make love? Theresa and I had made so many memories in this bed. I remembered Theresa’s black hair splayed across the pillow, mouth open as I drove myself into her. I reached down to unzip my jeans, and raised my hips to slip them down. My cock sprang free, standing upright before me as I licked my fingers before taking it in my hand. So many images filled my mind. Theresa beneath me, her legs wrapped around my hips, her arms about me, whispering lewdly into my ear. And as I did that I imagined Emily and Mary in the next room, listening to our bed springs and Theresa’s soft cries of passion. I pictured them kissing open-mouthed, and tall, voluptuous Mary feeding her enormous breasts into Emily’s small mouth. In my fantasy she wore an enormous dildo, and Emily spread her legs to receive it. I wrapped my fist about my cock and began to pump it, slowly at first, to savor the sweet sensations. My other hand cupped my balls and began to roll them gently as my hips writhed upon my bed. I tried to strip that image from my mind, and instead tried to picture myself with Lisa. I remember that she had a sharp, mischievous grin from our meeting in the laundry room. I pictured her now, erect nipples poking through black Küçükyalı escort bayan satin, her slip up above her waist, legs spread wide for my thrusts. She smiled at me as I pounded her. And then her picture dissolved and only Emily lay beneath me, her long red tresses spayed out on the pillow. I licked her soft pink lips as I kissed her, my cock deep inside her. Her body was tense and breasts bounced, and she asked me to fill her. And with her image in my mind I came with a groan, feeling the warm liquid spread out upon my belly. * * * I awoke in the darkness, pants still down around my knees. I slid them all the way off and went to get a bathrobe. The deadline loomed before me. Back to work I went, checking the drawings one last time before sending them off to the office for printing. I heard laughter from across the courtyard, and glanced across. A neatly dressed man, tall and bearded sat upon Lisa’s couch. And she was talking to him as she lowered the Venetian blinds, sealing off her world from mine. Relieved, I walked to the kitchen to make coffee. I thought of Emily touching me again, and became angry at my weakness. Angry at myself for dreaming of Theresa again, when she was gone forever. Angry because I had intruded into Lisa’s privacy. I decided that I should work with my blinds down in the future, though that had never been my habit. And then I wondered why, when all I needed to do was keep my mind on my work. And so I went back to work, never noticing when the lights went dark in Lisa’s bedroom. * * * The party was a Luau theme, so I dug an old Hawaiian shirt out my closet and some khaki shorts. I heard the door open and Emily came in, wearing a floral print dress and grumbling “Where’s your coconut bra,” I asked, lightheartedly. “Coconut bra? I’m not big enough to fill one of those.” “You don’t need whoppers to fill a coconut.” “True, they do bulge on their own. But it’s hard finding a grass skirt in this town. Would you zip me?” “Sure.” I leaned over and noticed that she wasn’t wearing any bra, much less coconuts. Her skin felt so smooth as my finger closed over the zipper. “Thanks.” She whirled about to face me. “Get your drawings done?” “I had to stay up all night to finish, but yes, I got done. Thank God it’s Saturday, and I don’t have anything to do until tomorrow night.” “Good, because we’re both going to get leighed tonight.” “You got somebody in mind?” “Maybe, but I was talking about the flowers, silly. But then you might get lucky. I plan on formally introducing you and Lisa tonight.” I shook my head. “I wouldn’t hope much there. She had a gentleman caller last night.” “Oh did she?” Though she mouthed the words, I had a feeling that Emily didn’t think that was a bad thing. Which surprised me, because I thought she’d said she might be interested in Lisa herself. She reached out and pulled me after her. “Now come on, I’ve got an appointment with a roasted pig, and we don’t want to be late.” I followed her down to the patio. We chatted with our neighbors. I decided to head over to the punch bowl, to check it for alcohol content. I found none, reminding me  that my college days were over. At least the association did have a keg of cold beer to remind me of my youthful folly. I filled my glass and wandered over by the poolside, where I found Emily and Lisa chatting. Em grabbed my hand and pulled me over to them. “You have got to meet Gary. Gary this is Lisa,” she added pushing her smaller hand in mine. She squeezed my hand again, grinning up at me. “We’ve met,” she continued, “though no one ever told me your name before. I’ve seen you out my window, always staring at your computer screen. Are you one of those chat room addicts.” “No, I’m an architect. It’s just that this is the busy season for us, and my boss’s last name is Legree.” Lisa smiled at me, that sort of upturned Cheshire grin that give you an idea that you don’t know the half of what’s going on inside her head. “Sounds like we have the same boss. I’m a network admin, have to work a lot of odd hours. Fortunately they haven’t made to many changes in the system lately, so I’ve actually got it working right for once.” “If you can get it working, you ought to come to my shop. Our server is always crashing.” “That’s bad, very bad. But let’s not talk about computers shall we? I’ve had enough work for this lifetime.” And we began to chat about work our college days, and whether or not John Cusack had gone Hollywood. Emily slipped away while we spoke, and after she left Lisa’s next question surprised me. “So how long have you two been going out?” “Em and I are just friends.” “Really? I was sure you two had something going.” “She’s my best friend.” “You mean you’re not interested in her.” “No, she’s not interested in me. She’s gay.” “Oh.” Lisa turned her eyes to watch Emily from across the pool. “Are you certain?” “In the six years I’ve known her, she’s had two live-in girlfriends and not one date with a man.” “And what about you? What team do you play for?” “Excuse me.” “It isn’t exactly usual for a lesbian to hang out with a straight guy.” “Emily’s not exactly ordinary.” “No she isn’t. But who wants to be ordinary?” “Not me.” “Me either. Do you like to dance.” “Sure.” And so she took me out on the dance floor and we began to sway and bump with the music. She moved gracefully, like a panther in perfect time with the beat. Near her I felt clumsy but she didn’t seem to notice. She was beautiful and totally female, and my mind and body couldn’t help but notice. It felt good, proving Theresa hadn’t taken my mojo. And then I caught sight of Emily in the corner of my eye. She was watching us, but instead of the grin I expected her eyes looked sad, her mouth downcast. So I smiled and waived her over. And as I motioned to her, that wonderful smile reappeared. And so we danced, and rested, then danced some more, growing closer all the time. Lisa and Emily seemed to hit it off, and I could see Lisa batting her eyes flirtatiously at Emily. And then at me. I was confused, and a little bit high, so I really didn’t understand at the time. But we were having fun, and I enjoyed both their company. Finally I sat down and watched them dance together. Their eyes stayed upon each other as they swayed to the music. And then a slow song began, and they parted, gesturing to me. I caught Emily’s eye she took my hand and put it in Lisa’s. “Dance for me,” and stepped aside as our bodies came together. I put my arm around her and Lisa stepped toward me, her head fitting nicely against my shoulder and my right hand fell naturally to rest upon her short black curls. I rested my head upon hers as we swayed together. I could feel my breasts against my belly, and her thighs against my hips. Lisa wrapped her arms around me and held me close as I savored the pressure of her body against mine. But as we danced I searched the crowd and found Emily standing there watching us intently. Her mouth was open and she stood quietly, though she smiled when she spotted me looking at her. Lisa laughed and said, “You two are so blind.”  I could feel her body against mine, and I responded in a way that was unmistakable. And I found myself wanting to kiss her very badly, but instead contented myself with stroking her hair and neck. The song ended and she stepped away from me. “You need to give the last dance to Emily,” she told me and slipped from my arms. She reached for Emily, and pulled my friend on the dance floor, whispering something in her ear. And then Emily stepped into my arms. Emily’s hair glistened in the moonlight and I noticed again how moist her eyes, were, how soft her long, straight hair. And then I realized I had never held her like this before, or noticed the curve of her back, the firmness of the muscles beneath my fingers. And I could feel her breasts against my chest, her nipples through thin fabric of her dress. I looked straight at her and she returned the gaze directly. She was beautiful, not model beautiful, but everything seemed to fit. She felt warm and soft in my arms. And then my cock began to swell. I panicked a bit. What if she noticed? Surely she’d be offended. So I pulled back so she wouldn’t notice my desire. But she wrapped her arm around my hips Escort Kartal and pulled me tight against her body. My erection rubbed against her thigh, no way she could miss it. “Oh my,” she whispered as I felt her body press against my erection. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, ashamed and yet enjoying the touch of her soft hair, the pressure of her body against mine.Emily chuckled. “You’re a guy. Girls know you can’t help yourself.” But she did no move away but continued to press herself against me, body swaying to the music. My skin tingled from the delicious friction. On a whim I relaxed and let myself press against her, daring for a moment to dream that she felt as me. My best friend was next to me, so beautiful and feminine. As we danced a single tear slipped from the corner of my eye. The last song ended and she pulled away from me. She reached out one long finger and wiped the water from my face. We looked around, but Lisa had already gone. So we turned and climbed the stairs upward toward my apartment. “Would you like to come in for a drink?” I offered, hoping she would accept. And she stood silent for a second with pursed lips, and then smiled and followed me inside. I reached for the lights but I felt her hand close over mine. “Leave them off,” she whispered. “It’s a beautiful night, let’s enjoy the darkness for a bit. Sit down on the porch and I’ll pour us some iced tea.” I didn’t complain, just slid open the door and stepped outside into the night air. Across the patio I could see into Lisa’s apartment. The lights were on low, though she was nowhere in sight. Which was fine by me. And then I heard a rustling and Emily stepped on the porch with me. Handing me a tall cool glass. I lifted it to my lips and drank deeply, letting the tea roll over my tongue. The light snapped on in Lisa’s bedroom, and she stepped into the room, clad in a terrycloth robe. I could hear Emily lighting a cigarette to my right, and smelled the acrid smoke floating by. It seemed for a moment that Lisa saw it too, for she looked right at us. But she made no move to lower her blinds, but turned down the bed and began fluffing her pillows. “You know she kissed me when we went to the ladies room,” Emily announced, taking a long drag. “Really. How was it?” “Sweet. She has wonderfully soft lips.” “So how come you’re not with her?” But Emily just took another drag and said nothing. Lisa closed the closet door, revealing a full length mirror. I could see Em’s cigarette glowing in the reflection. And then Lisa sat down and began rummaging through her bedside table. She turned and seemed to smile at us as she found what she wanted. Emily and I both caught our breath when she held up a large double-ended dildo up before laying it upon her bed. “We should go inside, Em.” “No. She knows we’re here. She can see the glow of my cigarette. I think she wants us to watch.” “Her room is lit.” I couldn’t believe she’d be so daring. “I tell you she knows.” I stood paralyzed as Lisa pulled a small bottle of oil from her drawer and set it upon the table. And then she stood before the mirror, studying her image and then let her robe tumble upon the floor. Her breasts were wide and close together, crowned with small berry nipples. We watched as she traced her right hand over her belly and up to cup her left breast. My cock began to throb. “She’s really beautiful,” Emily whispered, her voice hoarse. Her chest rose and fell slowly and she lay her cigarette still lit upon the banister. “Damn that’s a big dildo.” “You’ve seen one of those before?” “Yeah.” Emily spoke breathlessly as if the sight before us brought back some tingling memory that absorbed all but a shred of her concentration. I turned my eyes from Lisa to my friend, who stood next to me, arms crossed except for the cigarette dangling from her hand. I could see the tension in her body, shifting nervously as she watched. Her large nipples stood out like berries beneath her thin dress. She turned and grinned at me. “What are you looking at, Gary? The show’s over there.”I looked back. Lisa slid down her blinds ending the free show. “Lord I need a glass of cold, cold water.” I laughed and got up to get us both a glass. “I can’t believe she showed us that dildo.” “Me either. I’d like to be on the other end of that.” “Maybe she did it send you a message.” “Maybe she did. I gave her enough hints.” “So go knock on her door.” “Are you kidding?” “Why not? Aren’t double-headers a lesbian classic?” “Straights use them too. You can bend them around and . . . “ Emily started to pantomine something obscene then stopped short and then grinned at me. And I got another image in my mind of Emily taking the soft shaft and turning it on herself for double penetration. “I know what you’re thinking. You’re wondering how that would work. I’m so horny that I’d show you if I had one.” “So go borrow Lisa’s.” “Yeah, I can see that now. I just stopped over to see if you had a cup of sugar and a dildo. No problem.” “Yeah, but maybe she wants you to come over and get in the driver’s seat.” “Honey, I’m a catcher. Haven’t you noticed that I usually date butches?” “Not really. You don’t date people who look like men.” “Butch isn’t a haircut. Lisa is very feminine. Plus she likes guys. Probably just a baby dyke dabbling.” “Still, she’s pretty, she hasn’t anyone to occupy the other end of that phallus. And she kissed you in the bathroom. With intent, I assume.” “Yeah, there was intent. You dirty bastard, Gary, you’re trying to get me laid.” “What’s good for the goose . . .” “I ought to goose you.” “I’d like it too much.” “Yes, you would Gary. But what excuse would I use?”I went to my cupboard and pulled out a decent cabernet and two wine glasses. “Bring her a bottle of wine, she can turn you down decently but at least you have an excuse, and something to do if she isn’t in the mood.” “Good plan. I’ll try it. I’ll eat her alive.” Emily slid open the screen to my porch and disappeared inside. I was half drunk, but decided to visit my refrigerator and get one more. Emily hadn’t slept with anyone since her breakup with Mary. I found myself wishing she were with me, and stopped to think about it. Maybe if she got some I would too. Sometimes things happened that way, you give up something to get something else. Yeah right. That sounded too much like some psychic crap. Karma seemed like wishful thinking to me. A moment later I spotted a light turn on in Lisa’s living room. I watched her walk across the room and then I saw Emily’s taller silhouette through the curtains. I saw her pour a glass of wine. A few moments later the two figures came together. The necked standing for a time then lowered themselves until they disappeared from view. The lights stayed on but I saw no more. Somehow the whiskey bottle came out, and I told myself again and again that it was okay, that the woman I love had found someone that it was good, and I could bear it. Again and again, I told myself this was a good thing then tried to believe it. * * * “Wake up sleepyhead.” I awoke with a start. My head was pounding, and my stomach shaking. The sun was bright in my eyes. I was still in the chair on my porch, still wearing my leigh and Hawaiian shirt. The bottle of V.O. sat empty at my side, the glass, half full. “Where are you?” It was Emily. I stood up just before Emily pulled open the screen door. “Oh my God! Look at you! Did you pass out on the porch last night?” I nodded and braced myself against the wall. “I think I need an aspirin.”“I think you need more than that. You look terrible! Come to bed.” I stumbled after her into my mercifully dark apartment. “My God, you’re still in those clothes.” She led me to the bedroom. My stomach heaved, and I made a quick detour to the bathroom.” Fortunately nothing much came up. I found some naproxen and slammed down a double dose. It didn’t sit well, but it sat. Emily unbuttoned my shirt as I stumbled to bed. I didn’t last long. **`* I awoke a few hours later, my head down to a dull roar. The scent of fresh coffee filled my nostrils, and I came out. Emily was asleep in my easy chair with her laptop. She shook her head and smiled when I shambled into the living room. “You look a lot better. When I saw you this morning you looked Suadiye escort like Death himself.” “I felt like dying. What are you doing here?” “I wanted to make sure you’d be okay.” “My stomach is fine now. Do you want some coffee?” “Absolutely. Why did you drink that much? I haven’t seen that bottle out for a long time.” I told her I had been thinking of Theresa because I knew she’d believe it. She grabbed me by the shoulders and looked me direct in the eye. “Gary, listen to me. You can’t carry a torch forever sweetie. Theresa’s the kind of person whose career will always be more important to her than any man.” “It seems like I always fall for the wrong girl.” “You and me both, sweetie.” “So it didn’t go well between you and Lisa.” “Au contraire. She fucked me within an inch of my life.” And she closed her eyes, and shimmied to emphasize what must have been wild. “Wow.” “Don’t get too excited. Lisa’s a party girl.” “Maybe you can change her mind.” “I doubt it. People are what they are.” “Do you have a thing for straight girls?” “That would be silly. Love is mostly about luck anyway. You have to meet the right person at the right time in your and their life.” I forced a laugh. Emily grinned at me. “Speaking of sex with straight girls do you know who hit on me this morning?” “Huh?” “Patsy Bennett in 11-F.” “Her? I thought she was Suzy Homemaker. She’s got all those yellow ribbons and such on her car.” “It seems her husband has a two-girl fantasy. Seeing Lisa and I dance together pushed them over the edge.” “What are you going to do about it?” “Nothing. She’s not really into it, and I don’t want to waste a few hours wrestling with some girl who doesn’t want to be there just to please a man. Plus if I was going to do a threesome it wouldn’t be with Mike.” “Who would you choose? Brad Pitt?” “I’m more an Ed Norton kind of girl.” “Ed Norton?” “He’s sweet.” “I would never have guessed.” “What about you. What guy would you have your threesome with?” “Don’t you mean ‘what woman’?” “Answer the question white man. What guy?” “Gosh, I’d never thought about it . . .. Probably Michael Douglas because he’d bring Catherine Zeta-Jones.” “What a guy you are.” “That’s right.” “You ought to consider how women often prefer sensitive men with an edge.” “Is that my problem. Not enough edge.” “Not sensitive enough. If you really understood you’d have chosen some metrosexual.” “But I don’t want to go to bed with a man.” “Yet men expect their straight girlfriend to go down on another woman.” “I’m not Mike Bennett.” “Thank heaven for that. If you had been her husband, I might have said yes.” “Really?” “No. Patsy would still have been a problem.” “I would never marry Patsy.” “Why not? She’s voluptuous and has a good job.” “She has the personality of an unsalted cracker.” Emily laughed. “Oh, a vicious streak! I hadn’t seen that in you before. You may learn how to mimic bad boys yet. But you’ll never be one. Are you going to be in trouble for not going into work this morning?” “Not with the near all-nighter I pulled Wednesday.” “Good. Well, now that you’re up and going home to plan tonight’s wardrobe.” “Are you and Lisa going out again?” “I’m making her dinner.” “Sounds romantic.” “I hope so.” “Maybe her boyfriend works weekends.” “If it was serious wouldn’t he come over late for some hootchie cootchie?” “He might have my job.” Emily laughed. “Honey, you still found time for Theresa. You always find time for me, even though I’m a bitchy dyke. Lisa would wait up for you.” I laughed, but I watched her every move while she slinked out the door. I decided this would be a good day to go into the office. Work does such a fine job of occupying the mind, on that day I wanted not to think. I was glad for Emily. And jealous as well, jealous of them both. It didn’t get any worse. I didn’t see a lot of Em that week, except briefly through Lisa’s window. It looked like the affair was on. The only time she stopped by was to ask me if she looked ‘right’. She always looked better than right so I didn’t have to lie. On Friday I did something I never, ever do. I went in to the strip club I pass on the way home. The lot was full and the bouncer tried to mix friendliness and intimidation as he shock me down for the cover. It was dark and smelled of weak cigarettes, nothing like Emily’s Gitanes. A long haired latino girl danced around a pole illuminated in bright purple light. I made my way to the bar passing a tall black girl with butch hair and enormous breasts. She winked at me and I couldn’t help but notice the bills hanging from her garter. I grabbed an open stool. To my left a middle aged construction worker stroked the back of a tiny oriental girl. She pressed a bikini-covered breast against his bicep and sipped from a low glass. The bartender wore tight black pants, high heals and white oxford, unbuttoned just enough to give me a peek down her shirt. And I peeked. “What’ll it be, sugar?” ‘Sam Adams.” I turned away to look at the Latin dancer, who was in the process of taking down her top. Her breasts were small and firm, much like I imagined Emily’s would be. I felt someone brush against me. “Hey baby what’s up?” It was the black dancer I’d seen earlier. She had smooth skin the color of milk chocolate and I noticed for the first time an oriental cant to her eyes. ‘Not much.” I forced a smile. “Honey you don’t look so happy. You aren’t supposed to be unhappy, not here.” And she bent over giving me a look down her bikini top. Like I needed the advantage, for her breasts were huge, outsized as the rest of her was slim. Almost skinny. Almost like Emily looked in a bikini without the breasts or the color. I’d only seen Em in a bikini once, at the pool with Mary and drenched in sun screen. I wondered if I’d see her in one again. “You like my boobies?” She put her hands under her top and began to juggle them so they bounced. “I am a man.” “I noticed baby. But you’re all alone. And I need a place to get off these heels. I nodded and made a bit of space. Four-inch heels seemed the rule in this club. “So what’s your name honey?” ‘Gary.” “I’m Ebony.” “You know, a girl works up a mighty big thirst shaking it up there.” “Uh huh.” I glanced at the stage where the long-haired latino girl was hanging upside down on the pole. “Could you buy me a split of champagne?” ‘How about a glass of wine.” “Fine, but I make a split last.” “Alright.” I had been feeling flush after my last raise, and I had no will to refuse. I’d come here for feminine companionship, and it had come, albeit at a steep price. I pulled out the cash and paid the bartender, because I realized a tab would get me into serious money all too quickly. “I’ve never seen you here before.” “I’ve never been in here before.” “Well, glad you came?” She winked at me and leaned forward to offer a detailed view down her top. I looked too. “I don’t know yet.” “Well, I do. Handsome guy like you, dressed real nice, the girls will all be wanting to dance for you. I’m just glad I got here first?” “I just wanted a drink.” “Yes, but drinking alone makes you a drunk. Best if it’s a girl, luckl for you dancing makes a girl thirsty.” I laughed. I knew she was working me, but she winked and pushed up against me, and against my better nature I did notice that she was shapely, even if I suspected that Intel had as much to do with her figure as mother nature. Still, I had money but lacked a woman. Maybe she wasn’t the woman I sought but she was sitting next to me and pretending that I was sexy. Make-believe has its virtues. The bartender removed my twenty and brought the girl, whose name I couldn’t remember, a fruity looking drink that probably rated ten proof, if that. “So what kinda music you like?” “The Blues.” “Like B.B. King?” “Big Mama Thornton, Bonnie Raitt, Buddy Guy, Candye Kane.” “Candye Kane? Isn’t she a big girl who used to be a stripper?” “Porn star, actually.” “No shit? She was in films? She’s awful big for that. I’m built a lot better than she is.” “But can you sing?” “I sure can.” She launched into a few bars from something Shakira or someone else. She had decent vocal tone too. “You’re not so bad, but Candye is better.” “Well, she isn’t so pretty as I am. If she can get into porn, so can I.” “Getting in is easy. All you need is a 1080 camera and a fast desktop.” “Think so? There’s some money there for a girl who likes to show what she has and has some titties. And I do had some titties. She jiggled them for effect, and got more motion than I suspected. I had to admit she was right. “So why do you want to get into porn?” “First of all, I really like sex.

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